Precis: The writer is a young woman seeking a spiritual path. Her background did not prepare her for experiences she had and she feels lost. In the email below, she reaches out to people for help through The Llewellyn Journal. Because we think the feelings and experiences revealed in her comments are far more common than people realize, we decided to post her email here. Look to the Editor's Note at the end of this article for information about our forthcoming reply and how you can help Carley, too.
WHAT PATH SHOULD I TAKE?
Part I
By "Carley X"
I'm writing to you because I don't know where else to write.
My name is "Carley" (I don't want to reveal my real name) and I live in ____________(I don't want to reveal my location, either). More than anything, I want to learn magic — real magic. My problem is that I come from an environment where nobody is interested in such things and there is just no place to learn this subject. I have no support system and frankly, I don't know what to do.
If I knew some people who were involved in magic, I could get advice, direction, and assistance, but none of my friends are interested. When it comes to spiritual things, I'm sort of a loner. I saw some magic being done on __________________ (Title of a popular TV show; name withheld by suggestion of our legal department) and tried to do it. But I didn't have the ritual tools and nothing worked. At first, I was angry and frustrated with my failure. But those feelings quickly faded. Deep in my heart I know magic is real and I have a deep feeling that I have to learn it.
Part of the problem is where I live. It's a small town that forms another notch on the Bible Belt. There are many friendly, decent, and good people here. The town is clean and there is almost no crime. It's a wonderful place to live. After I graduated from high school I got a job as a secretary in a law firm and make good money. But there are also people who are very closed minded, prejudiced, and seem to be angry all the time. Many of the people in this town are very ultra-fundamentalist Christians and practically everyone goes to church on Sunday, but I often see that some people — frequently those who are the loudest in church — don't carry their religion into their daily life.
In some ways I was lucky because my parents weren't very religious. Oh, they believe in God and Jesus and we would put up a Christmas tree every year, but we rarely went to church. In some ways, this was unfortunate because I didn't get any sort of thorough religious training. I picked up things from here and there. Eventually, I developeddmy own ideas about God. I know I have this feeling that I need to respect and serve God, but unlike most of my neighbors — and I could certainly never tell people around me about this — I also have a feeling that if there is a God there must be a Goddess. Where could I turn to worship God and Goddess? Where could I find out about the Goddess who isn't mentioned in church?
I started looking around the internet. At first, I saw that information on worshiping a God and Goddess led to Wicca and magic. I was intrigued and wanted to know more — lots more — about real magic, but every time I've contacted someone for information it seemed like they wanted me to join their group. I don't want to join any group, I just want to learn. I've found information on many different brands of Wicca. I found information about magical groups and ceremonial magic. I've even found a bit on Satanism. Some of it sounds so good, but I didn't understand other things. There were a lot of terms and jargon that made no sense to me. Other things seemed to contradict what little religious training I did have.
Many of the websites I visited had bibliographies, and the most common publisher listed in those bibliographies was Llewellyn, so I went to your web site and found all of the books you publish. I can really appreciate the number of books you have because I certainly realize that we are all individuals and what might help me could be of no use to someone else. I'm glad that there are many books available. But this is also a problem for me because I don't have the faintest idea of where to start. Which books are right for me? I want to learn, but I don't want to spend years going through books that aren't about what I want and what I feel.
As I surfed your site, I finally came to The Llewellyn Journal. What really excited me was the article by Pix Smith [Please Help Me: The Court Cards — Part I] where she needed information and you got an expert to give it to her.
So now it's my turn. How do I start? What about the God and Goddess? How do I deal with friends? How do I deal with relatives? What path should I follow?
Thanks in advance for any help you can give me.
Editor's Note: By the writer's request we have used a pseudonym and did not include her location in order to disguise her identity.
In a short time, we will post an article by the editor of The Llewellyn Journal, Donald Michael Kraig, giving his answers to her questions. Be sure to check back often so you can read his reply when it appears.
Submission Guidelines
print
send to a friend
